For once I fear the upcoming year

(Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash)

Everyone has things they fear. It could be as little as a fear of spiders or as big as the fear of not being able to find yourself a room or a house. I’ve always had my fears too, but I’ve never quite feared the feature a lot, an upcoming year. Until now.

“For once I fear the upcoming year”. It’s a verse I came up with recently. It was first supposed to become a whole poem, but I just couldn’t get myself to write anymore. I just didn’t know what words to add to it. What more words could explain this feeling. So I decided to let it just be a verse, a line.

I’m sorry if I’m sounding pretty vague so far. Let me explain it further. December being the bittersweet month it always is to me, left me scared for the new year, for 2019. In 2018 I dealt with a lot of stress, which was mostly school related. And this was very rare for me because I normally am not a stressed person at all. I can actually stay so calm and relaxed that sometimes people around me wonder how I can do that in certain situations. But, to get back to the stress. It got so bad that it even made my hands shaky one day. Well, that’s when you know it’s bad. I survived the year though. And this school year I have again experienced quite some stress again. But that was mostly in September/October, so not so much anymore. Through this period of time, I have learned more about how to deal with the stress and how the school stress has its peeks and valleys. And I’m just learning to live with that. Learning that life will always have its stressful moments, but that you will get through. That in the end, everything will be okay.

Something I’ve also become more aware of lately, and that sometimes scares the crap out of me, is how I easily I can jump from one thing to the other. It’s a cool thing to get so easily excited about new things, but it also really scares me. That is because some part of me is afraid that once I open up about it, it will scare people away from me. But here I am, getting it out anyway.

I was thinking, maybe it’s time to open up about my fears again. I have done that before and I overcame most of those fears. I faced them. I will do that in another blog post very soon.

But I do have to say that 2019 has actually surprised me in a good way so far. I made an amazing friend on Instagram and we’ve been talking for hours daily ever since our first conversation. And through her, I got to know also another amazing girl. And you know, it gives me so much hope and excitement for the upcoming year. Isn’t it funny how things can change so fast all the time and how much of an effect that can have on your mindset? I still have some fear for that what is coming, that what lies the future, but I know I have amazing people in my life, who make my life so much better. And I have Jesus. And I’m happy to know that he will always be there for me. That I can always come to him, with the good and the bad.

I’m not just going to wish you all a happy new year, because bad things are going to happen for sure. These bad things might be big, they might be small. But they are going to happen. So I do not only want to wish you happiness for 2019. I also want to wish you all encouragement, hope and positivity for this upcoming year. That you may grow and find joy in living. Life is not always easy, but it sure is worth it.

Love, Margriet

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